Thursday, August 30, 2012

My Mother's Fixation on When I "Go Out"

I really don't know what it is, but like clockwork, my mother starts getting what I like to call "weird moods" (aka, NPD flare ups) when the new school year semester is about to begin. I am not sure exactly what to cause is. All I know is it's extremely easy to cross her the wrong way and end up in words with her over the most stupid and trivial matters. My guess is that she is used to me mostly being at home during the summer, if you don't count the days I go to work. As I have touched upon previously (I think?) in other posts, my NM's main obsession with me is the man I chose to be my fiance. She has insane, nonsensical, and prefabricated reasons for hating him and her behavior is so intolerable that I'm forced to see him without her knowing because I still live with her and don't want to endure the emotional (and sometimes physical) abuse she has given the times I've tried to fight against her controlling of me with this situation.

So yes, it's my prediction that she knows classes starting mean that I will be out of the house most of the time which equates in her mind as "chances" for me to meet my fiance. It's incredibly selfish behavior because she is aware that I am nervous whenever a new school year is about to begin. I often wonder if she's even aware that she is acting like this or if it's more of a subconscious thing. Hell, what am I saying - the behavior is SELFISH to begin with since she is causing me to have to SNEAK AROUND at my age to see the man I love because she has nonexistent "issues" with him. See how you almost normalize the insanity without realizing at times?

Similar to how she acts weird over the idea of me being at home less because of school, my NM acts even more controlling and suffocating when it comes to me voluntarily deciding to "go out". Whenever I want to go anywhere for whatever reason, I need to give my mother a detailed game plan of how my day is going to be.

Dialogue/questions/"requests" (more like demands if you ask me) I experience with her when she discovers I have plans to go out of the house?

"What time do you think you will be home?"

"You won't be out too long, right?"

"You will be home before dinner, right?"

"Where will you be going?"

"What time are you setting your alarm tomorrow morning?"
[to which I will respond with a time, which is always answered with the following...]
"What?? That early? You're not leaving the house that early, are you?"

"Make sure you leave your cell phone on so I can call you."

Whenever I go anywhere, be it with friends or alone, no matter what the place - this is the battery of questioning I face each time. I mean it when I say that. Every. Time. Now under normal circumstances, one could say it's just a mother caring or showing interest in her daughter's plans for the day. But as you can see, this goes beyond that. And you can just tell when someone is asking you out of genuine interest versus to be an engulfing entity in your life who is not satisfied unless she knows your every move. God forbid I don't hear the phone ring in my purse when she calls. Then I must explain why I missed the phone call and feel sick to my stomach when I notice a missed call. When I tell my fiance these things, he is in complete shock and disgusted with her. He often asks, "Does she think you are married to her?"

All I know is whenever I go out places, whether it be to meet up with friends or run personal errands for myself, it's like the third degree and makes me feel dread and upset to "break the news" to her. I feel like I need to put on this poker face and act like I'm unbothered and completely calm/cool about it - when inside, I am anything but that. It's really a terrible thing to have to go through. The sad thing is you find yourself normalizing this insanity because it's your life on a daily basis. However, when you step back and examine it, when you actually write about it, it becomes clear just how absurd the arrangement you're currently living in is.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

New Feature Added - Contact Me!

Hi everyone,

I've wanted for awhile to add a feature to my blog should anyone wish to send me a message and after I saw today that someone asked in a comment for me to contact them, I decided to look into it once and for all. I added it and tested it out, and it works! So if you want to use it, check out my side bar for the "contact me" link. Or, you could click here:

Contact Me Here!

As I said on this page, I would never post or share your e-mail address or personal information publicly anywhere on my blog.

Feel free to ask me questions, submit things or useful information you may want me to post up on this blog, or if you just want to say hi! No matter what you want to say (as long as it's not offensive, but I highly doubt that would be an issue with anyone here, lol), I'd be happy to hear from you. If we talk about something that I think would be interesting or helpful to share on my blog, I would of course ask your permission prior to posting.

Have a great day!

An Entry After a Shamefully Long Time

Hi! I know it's been an incredibly long time since I've posted anything here. Real life stuff with stresses of college have been taking over my life! As a result, updating the blog had gone on the back burner and I couldn't really think of many interesting things to write about. :(

But in between studying, I'd check the e-mail I created for this blog from time to time and still see comments after all these months. And I can't begin to say how much that means to me! I really hope the posts I've made in this blog saved people from experiencing the same hurt so many of us unfortunately endured at DoNM, or brought comfort to those who have experienced Danu's emotional abuse.

I really do want to catch up on all the replies I missed out on. A month or so ago, I also had plans of writing a post about an experience with my NM as well. Hopefully I can get to that as soon as possible!

Thanks to all of you, once again, who have read this blog, are currently reading it, or comment on my posts. It really brings me much happiness to hear from people on here, so always feel free to drop a line! Hope all of you are experiencing happiness and peace in your lives. :)

Monday, July 18, 2011

Danu the Manipulator - Nothing Shocks Me Anymore

Hello ladies, here again with some news about the seemingly never-ending antics of Danu Morrigan. It seems like every time I least expect it, I come across something new that exposes her true persona to an even greater extent. Unfortunately, this time it's something that is not positive (unlike my last post about the award being taken away) and is a potential threat for unaware daughters of NMs who happen to stumble upon her site unknowing of the covert narcissist this woman truly is.

From time to time, I google search for news of anymore innocent members coming forward about being banished from her message board for no reason. When I did so the other day, Danu's gaslighting "accusations against me" page came up in the results (yes Danu, I'm not scared to directly link your page on my site like you were with Soaring Dove's blog; I honestly don't care if your gaslighting "ranks in the search engines"). I know it's a waste of time seeing that I have read the insanity she spews there, but I clicked anyway just to re-read and really appreciate the clarity with which I can recognize what a manipulator she truly is. Aside from the underlying current of manipulation this page conveys in its words, the very fact that this page can only be discovered if you are intentionally searching for Danu banning people unfairly speaks volumes to me. If she has nothing to hide, why isn't this page easily accessible from her website in the form of a clickable link? You can search her website until the cows come home - you're never going to find that link anywhere.

But it makes sense though, doesn't it? If you're a N in sheep's clothing trying to uphold a facade of kindness and care, having that link directly accessible on your page will put doubt in the minds of new visitors to your site. Anyone who has nothing to hide/fear would proudly put that page up and declare to the world that the accusations are false, not cowardly make it so that only women who have heard of your bad deeds and are searching for answers will get a false, manipulative sense of "validation" as you attempt to cancel out the testimonies of those you've unjustly punished.

What I previously mentioned was not the new news I mentioned in the beginning of this post. This is what I have noticed that is new:

As you can see from this screenshot (and if you click on the link I supplied to the page itself), while Danu has the Organized Wisdom "Health Site Award" removed from every other page on her directly accessible website, she still has it on the bottom of her "Accusations Against Me Page". Aside from the fact that this is aggravating because of how emotionally abusive her and her site is (not to mention blatant lying since the award doesn't belong to her anymore), it is incredibly dangerous for our fellow daughter of N sisters. Those women with whom we have shared the truth of our horrible experiences with can be seriously mislead by Danu's gaslighting if they see a "Health Site Award" on the bottom of this page. After all, if you saw that award and heard two conflicting sides to a story, can you deny that you may be tricked by the manipulator if there is a false award on the page claiming it's a "healthy site"? And thus the vicious cycle of trust, unwarranted abuse, and abandonment has the opportunity to occur once again. In my personal opinion, I hardly think this was a "mistake" on Danu's part; I do not believe it is farfetched to assume she purposely left it on that particular page and could get away with it, since it's in essence a "hidden page" of her site.

This is why I urge you ladies, whoever is reading this - whether you are a victim of Danu yourself or a fellow victim of a narcissistic mother who has read the proof myself and others have presented to you and believe us from your hearts - please contact Organized Wisdom, for the sake of our sisters who can be potential future victims of Danu's manipulation. Please ask Organized Wisdom to make a public statement that the award has been revoked so we have the proof we need from a source of authority above us to show Danu's true colors to the world, or merely bring the page I linked to you in this post to their attention - any action taken on your part will mean something. We made a difference last time and we can do it again if we all work together.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

A Small Victory for Us Victims of Danu!

I have some great news to share with all of you! I had made a previous blog entry asking all of you who were victims of Danu and staff's abuse to contact Organized Wisdom explaining what has been going on at her website. On her website, Danu had a "Healthy Site Award" from Organized Wisdom and as we know, Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers is anything but healthy. Danu and her staff have single-handedly ripped us away from friendships we developed, gaslighted us, and made relive the abuse of our NMs with her insane no-reason bans.

I had never gotten a response from Organized Wisdom, so I assumed my e-mail was overlooked along with anyone else who wrote in complaints. Out of curiosity, I visited her website last night and the award is no longer there. Take a look:

The Organized Wisdom award used to be located at the bottom of the page. What replaced it? An advertisement for one of her products - not even a full length of a page AWAY from ANOTHER ad of hers. This doesn't surprise me at all. You'd think she'd have some decency and leave the area where her "Healthy Site" award once was blank, but instead she uses the award being taken away from her as an opportunity to stick her charlatan products in the eyes of unsuspecting daughters of N's - in other words, her newest N Supply.

I even did a search for Danu on the Organized Wisdom site and she cannot be found on there. So ladies, we have taken a big step forward in exposing Danu for what she truly is!! Thanks so much for standing up with me and sending in your complaints to Organized Wisdom. Now they see Danu for what she is and have granted us priceless validation.

More and more of us will continue to come forward and sooner or later, Danu won't be able to abuse any more of us.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

More Words from DoNM victims of Danu & Staff

Hi everyone! It's been awhile since I've posted anything, but I'm still here. My absence in writing was mostly because I didn't have anything to speak about in terms of my NM - she had previously been going through a span of "good behavior" for quite some time, which as of lately has come to an abrupt end. But I will get into that in another post at a later time. And I guess generally speaking, I didn't have anything enlightening to share. I really admire you ladies who write such inspiring posts. I feel like I don't have that sort of talent in thinking of such enlightening and deep things to share. :( Hopefully, I can become like that with time, though.

I wanted to write this blog entry to share some posts from other daughters of NMs who were victims of Danu's underhanded forum, "Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers" (DoNM). Their comments are referring to my first blog post. These women attempted to post their messages to that blog post, but for some reason they did not show up under the comments. This isn't the first time this has happened, but Blogger is notorious for it's irritating glitches that have no explanations. But fortunately, their messages got sent to my e-mail address and I can still share their words with you. :) I took the liberty of bolding/highlighting the points that stood out particularly to me.

Sweet Violet said..
"This goes back a lot further than you know. In Feb 2010 a member called Becca12 was banned because she disagreed with some of Light's "information" essays. Suffice it to say that Becca is a degreed psychologist and Light isn't anything close to that. Rather than thank Becca for her input, Becca was banned. Part of what was at issue is Light's declaration that if your mother was physically violent, she wasn't an N, therefore you did not belong in the forum. I was subsequently banned because 1) I stuck up for Becca and 2) my NM was physically violent, so I didn't "belong" there. (Becca, BTW, disagrees with Light about NMs and violence.)

As an example of how cold and ruthless these women are, at the time I was banned, my father was on his deathbed, a fact I had posted on the was common knowledge. I live in South Africa and he lived in Oregon and I was stressed about the situation...he was not an EF and was one of a very small number of adults who sought to protect me from NM when I was a kid. Two days before he died I logged onto the forum to find myself warning, no explanation. Just kicked to the curb.

The comments here about her EFT business are right on the money. I am personally in contact with one of the women she exploited through it, a woman she manipulated into writing a testimonial and subsequently refused to take the testimonial down when requested by the writer. This woman suffered severe emotional damage from the EFT and Tracy Culleton (Danu's real name) refused to take either responsibility or a lesson from the experience.

Are you aware that "Danu" is a Celtic goddess and "Morrigan" is an anglicized spelling of yet another god? Nothing like grandiosity, eh?" 


beccas12 said..
"Hello sallycherry! Beccas12 To all that have been banned, I was also banned. I was informed that I had been labelled as a narcandatroll,and after I was banned htey redid their codeof conduct to ensure that peoplelike me were bannable with no possibility of redress. After I was banned,and one other woman was banned for the same reasons I was, they even rewrote the definitions of Narcs on their site. And me getting banned resulted in a flurry of bans, when other women started questioning things in DoNM. I still have contact with many of them, there are about 30 of us... if Tracy was right about us being an N, and that we are all trolls and trouble makers and that's the ONLY reason shebanned us all, then let me tell you that trolls are loving, caring and highly intelligent women. Us trolls have come very far on our path of healing, entirely without the help of paranoid Light or N/Flea ridden Tracy and her incredibly silly EFT and poor writing skills.

I am very glad to see you are speaking up, and that many women are. Many are still in hte thralls of DoNMforumbecausehtey feel there is no other way or no other placeto find support, friendship and understanding. What is sad is that they ahve to walk on eggshells, be judged and generally fit the peer group or they are banned.In other words it is just like being back home with mom... it is so sad. I used to be very angry about it, I went on a research and writing frnzy after I was banned and I found out SO much informaiton about Tarcy and her husband. I was planning to make a website/blog... but in the end I realized that I am tired.I am tired of fighting Narcs my whole life and I was just not ready/willing to pick a fight with one more... so I admit defeat, or rather decided to not join in the fray. Hats off to you ladies who have decided to stand up and tell the world."

Wow, so I guess things are starting to make more and more sense. I am also a daughter of an N who experiences physical abuse at the hands of my NM and I openly spoke of it at Danu's forum whenever it happened. So if Light believes physical abuse is not part of NPD (which if she is part of Danu's worshipping cult team, it likely means Danu shares the same outlook), it makes sense in a sick, insane way why they'd get rid of me without warning and stoop so low as to gaslight me by making up a false incident of me "disregarding staff instructions" that never took place.

These women are truly sick, and the more insanity I hear about them, the more disgusted I become that the site still exists. Moreover, I am thoroughly sickened that these people are not even licensed in psychology, yet make broad and baseless statements as though they are experts on the subject, such as claiming a NM who hits her daughter does not really have NPD. And on top of that, having the nerve to say you "don't belong" at their forum for being a victim of physical abuse?? This goes beyond invalidation - it's a whole new level of shameful.

So Danu, if you or any of your little staff worshippers who work with you at your underhanded maliciously run website are reading this (as I am sure you do, seeing that you created your "self defense" page on your website that can only be found if someone is actually searching for reports of your corruption - careful to uphold that "image" of yours and pull the wool over the eyes of your newest victims, aren't you?), I don't know how you can live with yourself. More and more women are going to step forward and it's going to come to a point that your illusions of artificial care and concern won't work on anymore daughters of NMs.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Ever Feel Like Talking is a Competition?

It's been awhile since I posted! School has been pretty hectic as usual, but I decided to take a little time to blog a bit today.

A topic I have been considering for awhile to write about is how frustrating it can be to have a conversation with my NM. I'm not even talking about the irritating comments she can make and how she can turn the silliest and simplest things into a fight. I'm referring to the style of the conversation itself and my NM's behavior during it.

When I am talking about just normal every day things with my NM, I often find myself getting extremely irritated to outright aggravated. First of all, she will take something you could have said in a few sentences and drag it out to the point that you are just waiting in aggravation for her to get to meaning of the story she's telling. There have been times that she actually FORGETS why she was telling the story because she trailed off the main point to such a degree. What the hell is that? I can't even understand why it's so difficult to talk about something with regards only to relevant details.

But this is actually something I can deal with and consider myself to have gotten used to considerably. What else my NM has been doing that I have been having a hard time keeping my patience with and I feel has become a new habit of hers, is overtalking me in conversations. It pisses me off beyond belief and seems to be happening more and more lately. She will say something and I will try to reply/comment, but she will continue talking as though words aren't even coming out of my mouth. I find it so incredibly rude and inconsiderate. I mean, isn't the purpose of conversation because you WANT the other person to talk back to you??

During this times, I feel like I am engaging in a "competition" with her to get my words out and heard. I will say something, and as her words continue to pour out, I keep trying to say whatever comment I had to make louder and louder in an attempt to make her stop talking. It's a horrible, aggravating feeling in my gut. She has to hear me trying to talk, but I guess she just doesn't care.

The major irony in the whole thing is that she often accuses me in fights of "never allowing" her to get a word in edgewise and how I'M the one always overtalking her. Talk about projection.

On a funnier and more light-hearted note, this is a video I posted on WoN several months ago and I feel it fits perfectly with this blog post. As sad as it is, this is EXACTLY how it is to reason with my NM. In fact, the donkey is actually nicer and more civil than she is.

And unrelated to this post, I want to take the time to point out that yet another member (smallbluething) who is a victim of Danu's abuse has come forward. You can read her comment on my blog post about Danu. I find it disgusting that this crap is still going on, but I am totally not surprised. Around the time I made my blog post about Danu, I gathered other information I found via internet searches on her that build upon already existing proof that she is simply up to no good. A blog entry about that will come sometime in the future.