Saturday, July 9, 2011

More Words from DoNM victims of Danu & Staff

Hi everyone! It's been awhile since I've posted anything, but I'm still here. My absence in writing was mostly because I didn't have anything to speak about in terms of my NM - she had previously been going through a span of "good behavior" for quite some time, which as of lately has come to an abrupt end. But I will get into that in another post at a later time. And I guess generally speaking, I didn't have anything enlightening to share. I really admire you ladies who write such inspiring posts. I feel like I don't have that sort of talent in thinking of such enlightening and deep things to share. :( Hopefully, I can become like that with time, though.

I wanted to write this blog entry to share some posts from other daughters of NMs who were victims of Danu's underhanded forum, "Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers" (DoNM). Their comments are referring to my first blog post. These women attempted to post their messages to that blog post, but for some reason they did not show up under the comments. This isn't the first time this has happened, but Blogger is notorious for it's irritating glitches that have no explanations. But fortunately, their messages got sent to my e-mail address and I can still share their words with you. :) I took the liberty of bolding/highlighting the points that stood out particularly to me.

Sweet Violet said..
"This goes back a lot further than you know. In Feb 2010 a member called Becca12 was banned because she disagreed with some of Light's "information" essays. Suffice it to say that Becca is a degreed psychologist and Light isn't anything close to that. Rather than thank Becca for her input, Becca was banned. Part of what was at issue is Light's declaration that if your mother was physically violent, she wasn't an N, therefore you did not belong in the forum. I was subsequently banned because 1) I stuck up for Becca and 2) my NM was physically violent, so I didn't "belong" there. (Becca, BTW, disagrees with Light about NMs and violence.)

As an example of how cold and ruthless these women are, at the time I was banned, my father was on his deathbed, a fact I had posted on the forum...it was common knowledge. I live in South Africa and he lived in Oregon and I was stressed about the situation...he was not an EF and was one of a very small number of adults who sought to protect me from NM when I was a kid. Two days before he died I logged onto the forum to find myself banned...no warning, no explanation. Just kicked to the curb.

The comments here about her EFT business are right on the money. I am personally in contact with one of the women she exploited through it, a woman she manipulated into writing a testimonial and subsequently refused to take the testimonial down when requested by the writer. This woman suffered severe emotional damage from the EFT and Tracy Culleton (Danu's real name) refused to take either responsibility or a lesson from the experience.

Are you aware that "Danu" is a Celtic goddess and "Morrigan" is an anglicized spelling of yet another god? Nothing like grandiosity, eh?" 

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beccas12 said..
"Hello sallycherry! Beccas12 here...lol... To all that have been banned, I was also banned. I was informed that I had been labelled as a narcandatroll,and after I was banned htey redid their codeof conduct to ensure that peoplelike me were bannable with no possibility of redress. After I was banned,and one other woman was banned for the same reasons I was, they even rewrote the definitions of Narcs on their site. And me getting banned resulted in a flurry of bans, when other women started questioning things in DoNM. I still have contact with many of them, there are about 30 of us... if Tracy was right about us being an N, and that we are all trolls and trouble makers and that's the ONLY reason shebanned us all, then let me tell you that trolls are loving, caring and highly intelligent women. Us trolls have come very far on our path of healing, entirely without the help of paranoid Light or N/Flea ridden Tracy and her incredibly silly EFT and poor writing skills.

I am very glad to see you are speaking up, and that many women are. Many are still in hte thralls of DoNMforumbecausehtey feel there is no other way or no other placeto find support, friendship and understanding. What is sad is that they ahve to walk on eggshells, be judged and generally fit the peer group or they are banned.In other words it is just like being back home with mom... it is so sad. I used to be very angry about it, I went on a research and writing frnzy after I was banned and I found out SO much informaiton about Tarcy and her husband. I was planning to make a website/blog... but in the end I realized that I am tired.I am tired of fighting Narcs my whole life and I was just not ready/willing to pick a fight with one more... so I admit defeat, or rather decided to not join in the fray. Hats off to you ladies who have decided to stand up and tell the world."

Wow, so I guess things are starting to make more and more sense. I am also a daughter of an N who experiences physical abuse at the hands of my NM and I openly spoke of it at Danu's forum whenever it happened. So if Light believes physical abuse is not part of NPD (which if she is part of Danu's worshipping cult team, it likely means Danu shares the same outlook), it makes sense in a sick, insane way why they'd get rid of me without warning and stoop so low as to gaslight me by making up a false incident of me "disregarding staff instructions" that never took place.

These women are truly sick, and the more insanity I hear about them, the more disgusted I become that the site still exists. Moreover, I am thoroughly sickened that these people are not even licensed in psychology, yet make broad and baseless statements as though they are experts on the subject, such as claiming a NM who hits her daughter does not really have NPD. And on top of that, having the nerve to say you "don't belong" at their forum for being a victim of physical abuse?? This goes beyond invalidation - it's a whole new level of shameful.

So Danu, if you or any of your little staff worshippers who work with you at your underhanded maliciously run website are reading this (as I am sure you do, seeing that you created your "self defense" page on your website that can only be found if someone is actually searching for reports of your corruption - careful to uphold that "image" of yours and pull the wool over the eyes of your newest victims, aren't you?), I don't know how you can live with yourself. More and more women are going to step forward and it's going to come to a point that your illusions of artificial care and concern won't work on anymore daughters of NMs.

11 comments:

  1. Today I was banned from DoNMs site with no explanation and apparently no chance of one.

    I am 63 and the ol' NM is 91. You better believe that violence and Ns go hand in hand. Not all times, but when they can get away with it. My NM doesn't seem to slow down at all...she's as vicious as always.

    I haven't a clue why I was banned from that site...except I did say a few short weeks ago that I was leaving because my writing schedule (I've published three books in the last 2 years...Yikes) but I would check back in because I really liked the women who I was in contact with. I encourage them to write, who want to be writers, and this is something very close to my heart. My NM said I would NEVER be a writer (too stupid, unschooled, etc) yet I was taking a break from DONMs because I was writing "Memories of a Rotten Childhood". LOL! People came over to my writing blog and have been there everyday since I posted my blog address. I am wondering what possibly happened? I know that Danu is a writer and did this seem like I was doing something wrong?

    The only thing I could point at was I have mentioned M. Scott Peck's "People of the Lie" at least twice. I read it 10 years ago, and it was a seminal book for me. Then went into therapy for 5 years with a wonderful woman therapist who I still see monthly.

    Called here today because I was really confused about the site management dumping me and refusing any information why? Therapist said something interesting: Do you need more of the insults and rejection of your mother?

    No, but I see that there are obviously problems on that site. I wish Danu/Light the best, and that site the best, but perhaps these things happen for a purpose?

    I just think not given an answer is cold and creates more of the trauma we daughters of Narcissists don't need.

    I don't have a clue except I wish us all to be narcissist-free. And I don't have time for bullshit that comes under the cover of empathy.

    Lady Nyo

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  2. I used to belong to DONM.
    I remember when Sweet Violet and Beccas were banned, as well as others.
    Some I could understand, others I couldn't.
    Unfortunately, I was being used as a middleman by both the Moderators and Danu, and the 'Daughters'.
    I couldn't cope and broke contact with all of them.
    This news about 'Danu' does not surprise me. I always found her very aloof and unapproachable. Light/Michelle was quite cool, but struck me as someone who was easily led by 'Danu'.
    It's a shame to find so much more because I have been recommending the forum for other DONM's I have met along the way. Should have double checked where I was sending them... :/

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  3. Hello,
    I was about to apply for said DONM forum and now I'm glad I didn't. It's a shame that instead of support a woman will only find further mobbing. I guess you are right, in the end it's just like with our "dear" mothers - bitching. I used to wonder why there are so many slash fanfiction sites on the net, but I don't any more. Women simply don't like other women, and with good reason.
    I was thinking of opening a homepage of my own, since there is none with this topic in my native language, but now I won't unless I find a professional psychologist to assist me. I might give up altogether, I hate the idea of winding up attacked by silly, narrow-minded women again.

    As for our "dear" mothers: if one day you meet a sweet-looking elderly lady who in her younger days obviously was a great beauty and who, after having won your trust with sweet voice and heaps of compliments dropped at the right time, will tell you about her daughter who is

    - ungrateful
    - sticking to her father and believing everything HE says, never wanting to listen to HER version of what happened thirty or forty years ago
    - interested only in money and having fun
    - living an unhappy and unfulfilled life and attacking her sweet mommy as a meaning of relief
    - mentally ill since her parent's divorce was just too much for her
    - angry with mommy because she separated her from her father by divorcing,

    that would be my so-called mother. I supported her divorce from my father when I was 10, believing that he was mean to her; I even moved with her to another country, leaving everything behind; she talked to me about him - and would still, if I had not gone no contact - every day, then beginning again pretending there was still something I didn't know about him. He never spoke to me about it all and I saw him about once a year. I always believed what she told me about him, until time and distance made me understand that she was abusing me and that if she was unjust and irresponsible towards me, she probably was so in her first marriage as well. (She is married to another man for 21 years now but wants to speak of nothing but her first marriage with ME, because “I have a father complex and never got over the divorce”).

    I am perfectly well and happily married, but to her I am a total loser who urgently needs mommy to help her fix her wretched life, with the assistance of a psychologist to make her poor little daughter understand that it is all her father's fault (that brute who dared to have a mind of his own). Who will not be her puppet is either mean, influenced by mean people, or unhappy and mind-sick and thus not to be reproached for his “cruelty towards her” (that is, claiming your own human dignity). Oh, and by the way, she has forgiven me for ALL I DID TO HER and only wants to help me since it's not my fault for being the way I am, it's all because I have divorced parents.
    Do you believe you are not so easily taken in? Don't worry, she'll get you in the end. She would be capable to sell sand in the desert.

    Nevertheless, have a nice Christmas time :-)

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  4. I guess I'm lucky, I'm not a daughter but a son of an NM, so excluded at birth from this group! The website name sort of proclaims that only daughters can be victims. Ok, so this blog looks sort of pink and fluffy, no worries, I have a pink shirt that actually doesn't make me look girlie.

    I've actually met quite a few guys who are victims of these evil bitches, they don't even realize, but you can see it in their actions, their eyes, their jokes about their never satisfied mothers. I can see myself in them and worry that it still shows in me.

    I always have a desire, almost unconsciously, to encourage them and compliment them. I guess most reading this will too. So it stands to reason that anyone wanting to condemn a victim of an NM, however strange their method of survival is, shouldn't be victimised but helped.

    I class myself as a survivor because I don't have those pangs of guilt about my NM and feelings of self doubt anymore. My fear of exposure as a fraud pretending to be a normal person went many years ago.
    Now I have feelings of anger and outrage when I see NM's in action and WOW, they are still out there.
    At this moment is a Malignant Narcissistic Mother is inflicting her first act of cruelty on an innocent baby.
    How does it feel you bitch?

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    Replies
    1. Hi Dave, so glad you managed to find my blog! No worries that you aren't a "daughter", you are more than welcome here. :)

      Yes, you bring up an interesting point. From my experiences of searching for NPD online, it seems like I encountered mostly women - either victims of N parents or N spouses. However, I'm sure there are sadly tons of men like yourself who are victims of abusive Ns but for some reason, it's not as "out in the open". NPD in general, is not a very over-exposed disorder. Before I randomly searched my mother's behavior online, I had absolutely no clue NPD even existed.

      What's scary is NPD is a covert and "less obvious" type of disorder. Ns tend to act more "normal" compared to other types of personality disorders with more irregular behavior patterns. So you tend to normalize it and just can't categorize what's going on. You KNOW something is off, but you can't quite place a finger on it and sort of just pass it off as a personality flaw on the N's part. At least that's how it was for me, and I'm sure others can say the same. I think for those reasons, NPD does not get as much exposure as it should.

      I'm really sorry to hear that you are a victim of a NM. It's wonderful that you've reached a point of rising above your N's horrible ways. I still live with my NM, so I still fall into moments of self-doubt and feeling horrible about myself because of her. But I've gotten much better with it over the years. I get so upset each time I think she's "changed" only to be smacked in the face with reality when she relapses the second I say/do something "she doesn't like".

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  5. I got banned from DONM on Friday with no explanation. I felt much better when I found your blog!

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    Replies
    1. Hi, Jersey Girl! Sorry to hear that you are yet another person to be added to the list of people "banished" from Danu's community. I become more disgusted and overall sickened with this woman each time someone tells me they were banned for no reason - to know this still actively goes on. I have no words. Not lady-like ones anyway, for this witch of a woman.

      I'm really happy that my blog made you feel better! Even if we can't get Danu's site on the internet, I'm so glad that this blog gives validation and support to those who were abused by this woman.

      Don't let it upset you! You've done nothing wrong. In fact, you probably got "banned" because you showed signs of improvement with your NM and patterns show that Danu doesn't like to see this.

      All the best to you. :)

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  6. I've been commenting a lot about this situation. I was banned to, quite a while ago.

    Have you read her "no contact" list on her website? It's horrible! It's a nightmare.

    The things she calls her mother are horrible!

    What is wrong with this picture? It's very unsettling. A professional would never demean their mother, but only tell the story. She is not professional in her demeanor.

    Plus, judging by her no contact list, she has absolutely no leeway for anyone who slights her.

    What about encouraging people to ask their parents to go to counseling before just cutting them off for a violation?

    Since she is so into "cutting people off" it makes sense she will cut off anyone who upsets her.

    The worst part is she teaches children to permanently cut off their parents - and SHE HAS NO CLINICAL LICENSE POSTED TO JUSTIFY THIS ADVICE. NO INVESTIGATION INTO INDIVIDUAL LIVES AND THE SITUATIONS!

    Sorry for the caps. But this person is setting themselves up as an expert, dispensing advice like a psychologist to the impressionable. And possibly causing the demise of relationships that could actually be repaired.

    She makes it seem so reasonable and easy for everyone. She doesn't know the situations of everyone out there.

    The more I read stuff on her website the more she gives me the creeps. Me personally. Judge for yourself.

    I am appalled she is allowed to do all this with no oversight. But it's the Internet and there is nobody policing it.

    I just wonder how many relationships with promise and healing potential she has destroyed.

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