Monday, July 18, 2011

Danu the Manipulator - Nothing Shocks Me Anymore

Hello ladies, here again with some news about the seemingly never-ending antics of Danu Morrigan. It seems like every time I least expect it, I come across something new that exposes her true persona to an even greater extent. Unfortunately, this time it's something that is not positive (unlike my last post about the award being taken away) and is a potential threat for unaware daughters of NMs who happen to stumble upon her site unknowing of the covert narcissist this woman truly is.

From time to time, I google search for news of anymore innocent members coming forward about being banished from her message board for no reason. When I did so the other day, Danu's gaslighting "accusations against me" page came up in the results (yes Danu, I'm not scared to directly link your page on my site like you were with Soaring Dove's blog; I honestly don't care if your gaslighting "ranks in the search engines"). I know it's a waste of time seeing that I have read the insanity she spews there, but I clicked anyway just to re-read and really appreciate the clarity with which I can recognize what a manipulator she truly is. Aside from the underlying current of manipulation this page conveys in its words, the very fact that this page can only be discovered if you are intentionally searching for Danu banning people unfairly speaks volumes to me. If she has nothing to hide, why isn't this page easily accessible from her website in the form of a clickable link? You can search her website until the cows come home - you're never going to find that link anywhere.

But it makes sense though, doesn't it? If you're a N in sheep's clothing trying to uphold a facade of kindness and care, having that link directly accessible on your page will put doubt in the minds of new visitors to your site. Anyone who has nothing to hide/fear would proudly put that page up and declare to the world that the accusations are false, not cowardly make it so that only women who have heard of your bad deeds and are searching for answers will get a false, manipulative sense of "validation" as you attempt to cancel out the testimonies of those you've unjustly punished.

What I previously mentioned was not the new news I mentioned in the beginning of this post. This is what I have noticed that is new:

As you can see from this screenshot (and if you click on the link I supplied to the page itself), while Danu has the Organized Wisdom "Health Site Award" removed from every other page on her directly accessible website, she still has it on the bottom of her "Accusations Against Me Page". Aside from the fact that this is aggravating because of how emotionally abusive her and her site is (not to mention blatant lying since the award doesn't belong to her anymore), it is incredibly dangerous for our fellow daughter of N sisters. Those women with whom we have shared the truth of our horrible experiences with can be seriously mislead by Danu's gaslighting if they see a "Health Site Award" on the bottom of this page. After all, if you saw that award and heard two conflicting sides to a story, can you deny that you may be tricked by the manipulator if there is a false award on the page claiming it's a "healthy site"? And thus the vicious cycle of trust, unwarranted abuse, and abandonment has the opportunity to occur once again. In my personal opinion, I hardly think this was a "mistake" on Danu's part; I do not believe it is farfetched to assume she purposely left it on that particular page and could get away with it, since it's in essence a "hidden page" of her site.

This is why I urge you ladies, whoever is reading this - whether you are a victim of Danu yourself or a fellow victim of a narcissistic mother who has read the proof myself and others have presented to you and believe us from your hearts - please contact Organized Wisdom, for the sake of our sisters who can be potential future victims of Danu's manipulation. Please ask Organized Wisdom to make a public statement that the award has been revoked so we have the proof we need from a source of authority above us to show Danu's true colors to the world, or merely bring the page I linked to you in this post to their attention - any action taken on your part will mean something. We made a difference last time and we can do it again if we all work together.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

A Small Victory for Us Victims of Danu!

I have some great news to share with all of you! I had made a previous blog entry asking all of you who were victims of Danu and staff's abuse to contact Organized Wisdom explaining what has been going on at her website. On her website, Danu had a "Healthy Site Award" from Organized Wisdom and as we know, Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers is anything but healthy. Danu and her staff have single-handedly ripped us away from friendships we developed, gaslighted us, and made relive the abuse of our NMs with her insane no-reason bans.

I had never gotten a response from Organized Wisdom, so I assumed my e-mail was overlooked along with anyone else who wrote in complaints. Out of curiosity, I visited her website last night and the award is no longer there. Take a look:

The Organized Wisdom award used to be located at the bottom of the page. What replaced it? An advertisement for one of her products - not even a full length of a page AWAY from ANOTHER ad of hers. This doesn't surprise me at all. You'd think she'd have some decency and leave the area where her "Healthy Site" award once was blank, but instead she uses the award being taken away from her as an opportunity to stick her charlatan products in the eyes of unsuspecting daughters of N's - in other words, her newest N Supply.

I even did a search for Danu on the Organized Wisdom site and she cannot be found on there. So ladies, we have taken a big step forward in exposing Danu for what she truly is!! Thanks so much for standing up with me and sending in your complaints to Organized Wisdom. Now they see Danu for what she is and have granted us priceless validation.

More and more of us will continue to come forward and sooner or later, Danu won't be able to abuse any more of us.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

More Words from DoNM victims of Danu & Staff

Hi everyone! It's been awhile since I've posted anything, but I'm still here. My absence in writing was mostly because I didn't have anything to speak about in terms of my NM - she had previously been going through a span of "good behavior" for quite some time, which as of lately has come to an abrupt end. But I will get into that in another post at a later time. And I guess generally speaking, I didn't have anything enlightening to share. I really admire you ladies who write such inspiring posts. I feel like I don't have that sort of talent in thinking of such enlightening and deep things to share. :( Hopefully, I can become like that with time, though.

I wanted to write this blog entry to share some posts from other daughters of NMs who were victims of Danu's underhanded forum, "Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers" (DoNM). Their comments are referring to my first blog post. These women attempted to post their messages to that blog post, but for some reason they did not show up under the comments. This isn't the first time this has happened, but Blogger is notorious for it's irritating glitches that have no explanations. But fortunately, their messages got sent to my e-mail address and I can still share their words with you. :) I took the liberty of bolding/highlighting the points that stood out particularly to me.

Sweet Violet said..
"This goes back a lot further than you know. In Feb 2010 a member called Becca12 was banned because she disagreed with some of Light's "information" essays. Suffice it to say that Becca is a degreed psychologist and Light isn't anything close to that. Rather than thank Becca for her input, Becca was banned. Part of what was at issue is Light's declaration that if your mother was physically violent, she wasn't an N, therefore you did not belong in the forum. I was subsequently banned because 1) I stuck up for Becca and 2) my NM was physically violent, so I didn't "belong" there. (Becca, BTW, disagrees with Light about NMs and violence.)

As an example of how cold and ruthless these women are, at the time I was banned, my father was on his deathbed, a fact I had posted on the was common knowledge. I live in South Africa and he lived in Oregon and I was stressed about the situation...he was not an EF and was one of a very small number of adults who sought to protect me from NM when I was a kid. Two days before he died I logged onto the forum to find myself warning, no explanation. Just kicked to the curb.

The comments here about her EFT business are right on the money. I am personally in contact with one of the women she exploited through it, a woman she manipulated into writing a testimonial and subsequently refused to take the testimonial down when requested by the writer. This woman suffered severe emotional damage from the EFT and Tracy Culleton (Danu's real name) refused to take either responsibility or a lesson from the experience.

Are you aware that "Danu" is a Celtic goddess and "Morrigan" is an anglicized spelling of yet another god? Nothing like grandiosity, eh?" 


beccas12 said..
"Hello sallycherry! Beccas12 To all that have been banned, I was also banned. I was informed that I had been labelled as a narcandatroll,and after I was banned htey redid their codeof conduct to ensure that peoplelike me were bannable with no possibility of redress. After I was banned,and one other woman was banned for the same reasons I was, they even rewrote the definitions of Narcs on their site. And me getting banned resulted in a flurry of bans, when other women started questioning things in DoNM. I still have contact with many of them, there are about 30 of us... if Tracy was right about us being an N, and that we are all trolls and trouble makers and that's the ONLY reason shebanned us all, then let me tell you that trolls are loving, caring and highly intelligent women. Us trolls have come very far on our path of healing, entirely without the help of paranoid Light or N/Flea ridden Tracy and her incredibly silly EFT and poor writing skills.

I am very glad to see you are speaking up, and that many women are. Many are still in hte thralls of DoNMforumbecausehtey feel there is no other way or no other placeto find support, friendship and understanding. What is sad is that they ahve to walk on eggshells, be judged and generally fit the peer group or they are banned.In other words it is just like being back home with mom... it is so sad. I used to be very angry about it, I went on a research and writing frnzy after I was banned and I found out SO much informaiton about Tarcy and her husband. I was planning to make a website/blog... but in the end I realized that I am tired.I am tired of fighting Narcs my whole life and I was just not ready/willing to pick a fight with one more... so I admit defeat, or rather decided to not join in the fray. Hats off to you ladies who have decided to stand up and tell the world."

Wow, so I guess things are starting to make more and more sense. I am also a daughter of an N who experiences physical abuse at the hands of my NM and I openly spoke of it at Danu's forum whenever it happened. So if Light believes physical abuse is not part of NPD (which if she is part of Danu's worshipping cult team, it likely means Danu shares the same outlook), it makes sense in a sick, insane way why they'd get rid of me without warning and stoop so low as to gaslight me by making up a false incident of me "disregarding staff instructions" that never took place.

These women are truly sick, and the more insanity I hear about them, the more disgusted I become that the site still exists. Moreover, I am thoroughly sickened that these people are not even licensed in psychology, yet make broad and baseless statements as though they are experts on the subject, such as claiming a NM who hits her daughter does not really have NPD. And on top of that, having the nerve to say you "don't belong" at their forum for being a victim of physical abuse?? This goes beyond invalidation - it's a whole new level of shameful.

So Danu, if you or any of your little staff worshippers who work with you at your underhanded maliciously run website are reading this (as I am sure you do, seeing that you created your "self defense" page on your website that can only be found if someone is actually searching for reports of your corruption - careful to uphold that "image" of yours and pull the wool over the eyes of your newest victims, aren't you?), I don't know how you can live with yourself. More and more women are going to step forward and it's going to come to a point that your illusions of artificial care and concern won't work on anymore daughters of NMs.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Ever Feel Like Talking is a Competition?

It's been awhile since I posted! School has been pretty hectic as usual, but I decided to take a little time to blog a bit today.

A topic I have been considering for awhile to write about is how frustrating it can be to have a conversation with my NM. I'm not even talking about the irritating comments she can make and how she can turn the silliest and simplest things into a fight. I'm referring to the style of the conversation itself and my NM's behavior during it.

When I am talking about just normal every day things with my NM, I often find myself getting extremely irritated to outright aggravated. First of all, she will take something you could have said in a few sentences and drag it out to the point that you are just waiting in aggravation for her to get to meaning of the story she's telling. There have been times that she actually FORGETS why she was telling the story because she trailed off the main point to such a degree. What the hell is that? I can't even understand why it's so difficult to talk about something with regards only to relevant details.

But this is actually something I can deal with and consider myself to have gotten used to considerably. What else my NM has been doing that I have been having a hard time keeping my patience with and I feel has become a new habit of hers, is overtalking me in conversations. It pisses me off beyond belief and seems to be happening more and more lately. She will say something and I will try to reply/comment, but she will continue talking as though words aren't even coming out of my mouth. I find it so incredibly rude and inconsiderate. I mean, isn't the purpose of conversation because you WANT the other person to talk back to you??

During this times, I feel like I am engaging in a "competition" with her to get my words out and heard. I will say something, and as her words continue to pour out, I keep trying to say whatever comment I had to make louder and louder in an attempt to make her stop talking. It's a horrible, aggravating feeling in my gut. She has to hear me trying to talk, but I guess she just doesn't care.

The major irony in the whole thing is that she often accuses me in fights of "never allowing" her to get a word in edgewise and how I'M the one always overtalking her. Talk about projection.

On a funnier and more light-hearted note, this is a video I posted on WoN several months ago and I feel it fits perfectly with this blog post. As sad as it is, this is EXACTLY how it is to reason with my NM. In fact, the donkey is actually nicer and more civil than she is.

And unrelated to this post, I want to take the time to point out that yet another member (smallbluething) who is a victim of Danu's abuse has come forward. You can read her comment on my blog post about Danu. I find it disgusting that this crap is still going on, but I am totally not surprised. Around the time I made my blog post about Danu, I gathered other information I found via internet searches on her that build upon already existing proof that she is simply up to no good. A blog entry about that will come sometime in the future.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Actually Stepping Back and Seeing

I'm currently going through one of those phases where I am very conscious of the abnormality of my relationship with my NM and her NPD. So much that I actually feel drained over just thinking of the insanity of what I am forced to do on a daily basis because of her.

I think what triggered this is that I finally got Facebook back. It's been a few years since I deleted my last account. The reason I deleted it was because I made my old Facebook connected with my NM's e-mail address. I can't even comprehend at this point HOW or WHY I did that. I can't believe I actually shared an e-mail address with her and created accounts using it. Not only would I use her e-mail, but I would tell her exactly what I was doing - every move I made, every website I registered at. I'd even leave my old e-mail messages without deleting them and she would read them. I actually foolishly believe back then that she didn't read my mail. How could I have been so conditioned to think it was normal to be enmeshed to that extent with your mother at 18 years of age?

So basically I had deleted the Facebook because it was around the time my NM's abusive insanity was reaching its peak and for some strange reason, I couldn't remove her e-mail from the account (probably because it was the one I created it with or something). I was afraid she'd somehow be able to request a password change and be able to stalk my profile. After all, she would continually ask me what my Facebook looked like and if she could see, acting as though she showed an interest when in reality, she just wanted to be in control and make sure there was nothing on my page she'd "object" to.

I made my new Facebook last week and I haven't mentioned it to her, and it's so much better this way. I don't have to hear her constant requests of me "sharing" my page with her and her asking who I'm talking to. But as liberating as it feels to have it without having to tell her anything, I still feel like my NM's leash is around my neck. When certain people add me on Facebook, I have to make sure I hide certain information, basically my relationship status because my fiance is one of the subjects my NM gets abusive over majority of the time. It's so upsetting that I can't just have my relationship status shown to everyone without any fears. Instead, I have to consider who certain people may know and how it could possibly get back to my NM. It's incredibly suffocating.

It's the same feeling when I have to go through my daily ritual with my computer - clear the history, clear the cookies, empty trash - all to make sure she can't snoop in my computer and find completely NORMAL things that she will go insane over and not leave me alone about.

It's so draining. I just don't know how a human being can do this to someone else, much less her daughter.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Life With My Narcissistic Mother

After reading through living with a narcissist's blog entries, I felt like writing a little about my own experience of living with my NMother.

Living with your mother is supposed to be a source of some of one's fondest memories in life, right? Nice long talks over coffee, warm home-cooked meals, having fun just doing the simple things life together - these are probably some of the typical thoughts that come to mind when you think of society's depiction of the ideal mother anyone would be pleased to have.

I'd be lying if I said those things weren't part of my life. I'm not going to be unfair and paint my NM as a perpetual monster who is relentlessly abusive and cruel to me. I'd be nothing more than a gaslighting liar myself, no better than my NM. Yes, I can admit that my NM can be a great person to be around when she's in one of her good moods. She can be a lot of fun to talk to and has a way of giving me a sense of security and confidence when it comes to making decisions. All of my friends who talk to her on the phone/meet her often tell me how she's "so nice" and how much they like her.

That's because they don't know there's a catch to her kindness - it's fleeting and vanishes quicker than smoke when something doesn't go her way. So long as I appease her and do not put up an opposition in any way, shape, or form, my NM will maintain her "kindness mode" (as I like to term it) and these pleasant phases can last for very long stretches of time - which makes it very easy for me to fall into the same mistakes of telling her my innermost feelings and fears that serve as her weapons against me later in her aggressive attacks.

It's actually pretty surprising how little it takes for me to push my NM into one of her attack modes. It can be something as stupid as a disagreement over something on television. Basically any difference in opinion has the potential to lead into an escalating and gaslighting argument that may or may not include physical abuse and days of silent treatment afterwards.

But even when my NM and I are not fighting and she is in a good mood, life can still be unbearable because she is engulfing and has no sense of boundaries. She has no shame in looking through my personal belongings. I have to clear the history and cookies on my laptop every time I use it to ensure she won't stalk my internet activity. I have to put screen locks on my cell phone and iPod. I can't read certain books (for example, books on NPD) because she'd DEFINITELY find it.

I basically do not have any privacy - anything I do is up for complete questioning and my NM feels completely entitled to an answer. If I text someone on my phone or sees me typing, she asks who I write to. I actually find myself conditioned to telling her who I'm talking with and what I'm talking to them about before she even asks - which is truly a sick and abnormal reality.

It pretty much feels like my NM is a ticking bomb without a visible timer - you know she's bound to explode at some point, but you can never quite tell until you hear the huge boom. Every time my NM seems quiet or "weird", I get extremely uneasy and keep asking her if she's okay. I feel so scared that she is upset about something I am unaware about and that it's a matter of time before she explodes at me. It's a heavy, terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach - pure dread. If she's not raging at me, my NM loves the good old-fashioned silent treatment as her choice of torment. So I can never tell if my NM is mad at me or my father (he's just as much a victim of her as me) for something we "did to upset her" or if she is genuinely tired/worried about something unrelated to us and her NPD.

Living with her is one of the biggest challenges in my life because at times, she makes me feel like I am losing my mind. I look forward to the day that I'm free.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

The Sadistic Side of Dealing with a N: Sadistic Personality Disorder

As of lately, my NMother has been extremely abusive. She has gone into one of her "nasty" modes and is an absolute horror to live with. I guess this is what is known as intermittent "love" and abuse..and what is pathetic is that I actually fall for her crap every time when she is "loving" and let down my guard, telling her personal and sensitive things that she later uses against me.

But after the intense degree of psychological and physical abuse that has been going on these past days, I think I have really learned my lesson NOT to share things from my heart anymore. I know I always say that when she becomes abusive, but this time it feels different - as though I have learned my lesson and been kicked and bruised enough, figuratively and literally speaking.

Last night, I was thinking - her violent tendencies must be something else in addition to narcissism. She definitely has the traits of NPD. The gaslighting, my God the gaslighting. She can totally recreate reality and seems to honestly believe it. If she truly believes the series of events in various situations the way she does and is not consciously aware of it, I am actually a little scared because she warps reality that badly. She also loves to invalidate my feelings and has an overly inflated ego, believing everyone is supposed to grovel to her for the good she does. That is especially concentrated at me because she was "always the wonderful mother all my life" and I am so "ungrateful" for all she has done for me. Oh yes, wrapping your hands completely around my throat and choking me really makes me love and appreciate you. But getting back to what I was saying, from what I read about NPD, violent tendencies are not usually a key feature of the personality disorder.

So I was searching through information about various personality disorders and I found one that I think might possibly be the answer to her violent ways: Sadistic Personality Disorder. Even though I took psychology, I never heard of it before. Perhaps it's because they took it out of the DSM due to feeling it needed more research. However, it's still considered a valid personality disorder. Here's some info about it:

Has used physical cruelty or violence for the purpose of establishing dominance in a relationship (not merely to achieve some noninterpersonal goal, such as striking someone in order to rob him or her); 
Definitely describes my NM. Her goal since I decided not to be her doormat and go with everything she says is to dominate and control me constantly, and will be an absolute horror when I don't submit and give her "respect" merely because I am her daughter. The fact that she has NO respect for me means nothing; because I am her daughter, she expects respect automatically and doesn't believe it's something that is earned.

Is amused by, or takes pleasure in, the psychological or physical suffering of others (including animals) 
This is actually what made me search for another cause in addition to NPD for her insanity. When she is hitting me, she actually lookshappy in some twisted, evil way. It's hard to describe it, but when she is doing something particularly hurtful (like choking and grabbing onto me to twist my arm/hand), her eyes get really wide and she almost looks like she's smiling, as though she is getting some satisfaction or pleasure out of it. When I fight her, I never feel any of those emotions, only anger and rage, so I'm sure I don't ever look like I'm "smiling" at all. 

Gets other people to do what he or she wants by frightening them (through intimidation or even terror)
My NM used to get away with this when she first started abusing me. Now, I fight against her.

Restricts the autonomy of people with whom he or she has a close relationship, e.g., will not let spouse leave the house unaccompanied or permit teen-age daughter to attend social functions;
DEFINITELY a big trait my NM has. She has restricted my autonomy before I even realized there was something wrong with her to the point that I often feel uncomfortable and helpless in certain social situations that I shouldn't at my age (e.g.: making purchases, going certain places alone, etc.) And because I still live at home with her, she thinks she still has a right to dictate my actions regardless of the fact that I'm over the legal age. 

So I thought this might be helpful to any of you who are dealing with a physically abusive N. I hope they do more research on this disorder and add it back to DSM. Here's the link so you can read more:

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Your Chance to Speak The Truth About Danu Morrigan


I just want to share a post I made today at Web of Narcissism in a topic regarding Danu and the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers forum:

"Just a little update about the website discussed in this topic, there is a 'Health Site Award'  logo on the bottom of her page that is given by the website 'Organized Wisdom'. Considering this website abuses people, it is highly ironic and inappropriate that this is on her page, and worse, strengthens this woman's facade that ensnares unsuspecting and vulnerable victims of narcissists. 
I already contacted Organized Wisdom via this link. If anyone else reading this needs to contact them and wants to expose the truth of what goes on there, this is where to do so. I don't know if we can make a difference in helping, but we can only try."

So once again, I urge you to come forward through blogs and by contacting this website if you have been abused by Danu or know anything about what goes on at that forum. Even if it doesn't make a difference in stopping her from hurting more people, you will provide priceless validation to those who were unfortunate enough to have had a negative experience there.

- Sugar