From time to time, I google search for news of anymore innocent members coming forward about being banished from her message board for no reason. When I did so the other day, Danu's gaslighting "accusations against me" page came up in the results (yes Danu, I'm not scared to directly link your page on my site like you were with Soaring Dove's blog; I honestly don't care if your gaslighting "ranks in the search engines"). I know it's a waste of time seeing that I have read the insanity she spews there, but I clicked anyway just to re-read and really appreciate the clarity with which I can recognize what a manipulator she truly is. Aside from the underlying current of manipulation this page conveys in its words, the very fact that this page can only be discovered if you are intentionally searching for Danu banning people unfairly speaks volumes to me. If she has nothing to hide, why isn't this page easily accessible from her website in the form of a clickable link? You can search her website until the cows come home - you're never going to find that link anywhere.
But it makes sense though, doesn't it? If you're a N in sheep's clothing trying to uphold a facade of kindness and care, having that link directly accessible on your page will put doubt in the minds of new visitors to your site. Anyone who has nothing to hide/fear would proudly put that page up and declare to the world that the accusations are false, not cowardly make it so that only women who have heard of your bad deeds and are searching for answers will get a false, manipulative sense of "validation" as you attempt to cancel out the testimonies of those you've unjustly punished.
What I previously mentioned was not the new news I mentioned in the beginning of this post. This is what I have noticed that is new:
As you can see from this screenshot (and if you click on the link I supplied to the page itself), while Danu has the Organized Wisdom "Health Site Award" removed from every other page on her directly accessible website, she still has it on the bottom of her "Accusations Against Me Page". Aside from the fact that this is aggravating because of how emotionally abusive her and her site is (not to mention blatant lying since the award doesn't belong to her anymore), it is incredibly dangerous for our fellow daughter of N sisters. Those women with whom we have shared the truth of our horrible experiences with can be seriously mislead by Danu's gaslighting if they see a "Health Site Award" on the bottom of this page. After all, if you saw that award and heard two conflicting sides to a story, can you deny that you may be tricked by the manipulator if there is a false award on the page claiming it's a "healthy site"? And thus the vicious cycle of trust, unwarranted abuse, and abandonment has the opportunity to occur once again. In my personal opinion, I hardly think this was a "mistake" on Danu's part; I do not believe it is farfetched to assume she purposely left it on that particular page and could get away with it, since it's in essence a "hidden page" of her site.
This is why I urge you ladies, whoever is reading this - whether you are a victim of Danu yourself or a fellow victim of a narcissistic mother who has read the proof myself and others have presented to you and believe us from your hearts - please contact Organized Wisdom, for the sake of our sisters who can be potential future victims of Danu's manipulation. Please ask Organized Wisdom to make a public statement that the award has been revoked so we have the proof we need from a source of authority above us to show Danu's true colors to the world, or merely bring the page I linked to you in this post to their attention - any action taken on your part will mean something. We made a difference last time and we can do it again if we all work together.
Narcissists thrive on "negative" attention as well as "positive attention." It's all "narcissistic supply" to them. She's just a vampire and while their will be "victims" their will be others, like me, who discover better ways to recover as a result!
ReplyDeleteYesterday, I got dumped by Danu and company....I got banned. I still haven't a clue why, and they refuse to answer any questions.
ReplyDeleteI find this intellectually dishonest, and frankly---abusive.
Why would a website, who proclaims to facilitate healing from the very same behavior of our NMs do the same thing with impunity?
I have no idea why I was banned, and I was only there for 2 months..so I am left to guess: Perhaps that I used a Quaker saying: Hiding our Light under a bushel? Or perhaps because I mentioned M. Scott Peck's "People of the Lie"???
I have no idea. But reading her own words about her hatred for churches, religions, etc. seem rather predijucial. Narrow and ignorant, too.
I am not a religious person...but perhaps I stated that I had joined recently a group where I could explore my 'religious intellectualism' was too much for the site and Danu?
Who knows the minds of others, but her actions by her refusing to clarify WHY she bans without explanation is arrogance, fear and smacks much of the same things she says she's against: Behaviors of narcissism.
I have a good blog, I am a published writer of three books and I entertain lots of points of view on my blog. I have noticed that posters from DoNMs website have been reading my blog entries...that was until yesterday, when I would suppose that Site Management over there deleted my posts. Well, I was pretty active (330 some posts! LOL~) and I am sure they are all gone.
It is very sad because I have given praise to that website, and have encouraged my own precious readers to read there, but now I will refrain from all that.
In fact, today I put a disclaimer about that site. I can't in good conscience defend something that goes against integrity and healing.
I hate that people who are supposed to be leaders in something so important and troubling within our culture, turn out to be not what they seem.
Wolves in sheep's clothing is the least of it all. What further damage needs to be done to women who have suffered a lifetime of narcissistic abuse?
It's confusing, dismaying, and depressing.
My therapist warned me about these things, but I had to find out for myself.
Lady Nyo
Lady I wondered where you went. You are such a good writer.
ReplyDeleteI'm shocked you have been banned, I wonder why?
I think narcissistic mothers can be violent, I am puzzled by Danu/Lights denial of this. Surely we (the victims) know.
Hi Suzie!
ReplyDeleteSo glad to hear from you! Yes, that banning by Danu was quite a shock to me, but then again, Narcissism has so many aspects to it, and is found in so many areas of life and society. Look at Herman Cain! I'm in Georgia, and for a while I could have supported him, but damn, with all these allegations which have legs, I will dump that! He is just another woman-baiting Narcissist. Very common in politics and life.
As for violence with narcissistic mothers: Yes. and Yes again, Suzie. IF Danu/Lights are in denial about this, they are cracked cookies. I know my own experience, and violence comes in different forms: the bruises by some narcissistic mothers will heal, but the psychological damage is forever: mine own mother was emotionally abusive, and at 91, she still is.
And further: we need to realize that the abuse by the narcissistic mother extends across the family: perhaps the girl is the scapegoat, but the brothers are called upon to be the enforcers of the NM's whims and pathologies. The 'boys' are treated differently by a narcissistic mother when there is a daughter involved and they have a stake in all of this abuse because this is one twisted way that the mother maintains control of everyone; not just the daughter.
I am now No Contact with this family and the peace I have received since this summmer (July4th) has been remarkable. I've cleared my mind enough to finish another book, and I realize that all this crap I have dragged around for 64 years has shackled me greatly. That is part of the toll of parental narcissism: the destruction of potential.
I have no idea why I was banned from Danu's site, but she is intellectually dishonest: well, that is just one of her 'sins'. LOL!
Best of everything, Suzie. We do learn a lot in life, neh?
Hugs,
Lady Nyo
Sugar, thank you so much for this blog. I've also read Soaring Dove's posts and I'm starting to see and understand the evidence against Danu. I'm a current DOMN forum member (Rossignol). I'm shocked that I haven't been banned because I have mentioned my religion in posts. However, I have received warnings. Long ago, I received an email that suspended one of my posts and said it would be under official board review. It was a post in which I told a fellow DOMN who was going through a very hard time I would keep her in my prayers. I realize now this is against the code, but at the time I merely forgot and it seemed the appropriate response. Well, the board decided to let my post slide, but only after they edited it without my permission. Instead of my prayers, the DOMN received my "good thoughts." They made me feel like I wasted so much of their time from this one little sentence. I would rather have had them delete the post than change my words without asking me. That was also very emotionally abusive to me. I was very fragile and didn't want to be in "trouble."
ReplyDeleteI'm learning so much. For now, I think I will have very guarded posts on the site. I don't really need the forums as I have a therapist and my wonderful friends and books on narcissism. But it's just sad that this little preconceived haven on the internet is not entirely safe. And women develop bonds with other women on the forum. To have these connections completely broken with no warning is terrible and alienating (oh, an abuse tactic!).
I've also read Danu's other marketing sites. It chills me to the bone how she describes using words to draw people in. It crosses the line of persuasion and into manipulation. I'm a future lawyer, and I still consider her use of words as being manipulative.
By the way, hi Lady!! Hope you're doing well! I'm also shocked you were banned. That alone speaks volumes.
Hi Rossignol! I remember you and fondly! You were quite a writer! I really enjoyed the interchange on that board. Too bad that Danu and company did the nasty to the 'cause'. LOL!
ReplyDeleteI have no idea why I was banned, but now, my sniggling suspicion about some of Danu's behavior/pushing stuff...well, I chose to ignore my first feelings about her and her 'products' but it did catch up with me. LOL! I guess the truth can't be denied.
It's sad, because Danu is being a Nazi. She is no better than the abusive and destructive mothers we have had in our lives: why in HELL do we need more of THAT??? That website should have been a haven for people there...and there should have not been such restrictions that were their prejudices....bah! She's a phony obviously, but a malicious one at that. Her exposure will come by the common sense and recovery of women on that site and they will leave eventually.
It's pretty funny, actually. They are running this site like a bunch of nasty school girls....
We can definitely do better!!! I do miss you and others, Rossignol....and wish you the very best. I have posted some anti-narcissist (mother issues) pieces on my blog....one about the No Contact issue under "The Peace that Surpasses All Understanding" and that took 64 years to come to fruition. BUT...it was a sanity saver!
My very best to you and anyone else on that poor site that has some recovery!
Lady Nyo
http://www.warriorforum.com/copywriting-forum/265453-sales-page-review.html
ReplyDeletefound this!
proof she is in it for the money. and may not even be a daughter of a narcissist
Well, isn't that just the cat's meow. A cherry on top of the Sundae.
DeleteI knew about the Warrior's Forum long before I ever joined Danu's site. I've been saying she is into this for the marketing and this link proves it.
I like it where the post below hers says, "I would recommend removing yourself from the picture in the beginning of the letter and focus solely on the pain and anguish you[r] market feels.
I would directly have them connect with their feelings first...then sometime further on down the letter explain how you know how they feel because you yourself were/are once in their shoes."
Another person suggested she use a forum to create a content rich site. This whole thing is a marketing scheme. She set out to make money for herself.
That begs the question of how sincere she really is?
The website ranks in Google and the products, books, etc are for sale. Just as planned.
All she ever needed were the right kind of posts on her forum to give her credibility. I guess if you don't write what she wants you get banned. It should be that you write what you want. Not what she wants.
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DeleteRead that site.
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me that we are feeding Tracy, etc. by continuing to write about her. Just my opinion.
I enjoyed my short time there, mostly the interchange with different women, but we've all been banned by this troll, and it's obvious that she is in it for the money....this 'therapeutic' tapping thing...which I have run across a couple of therapists...legitimate ones, not people like Tracy and co. who are just seeing women as 'meat' for her 'products'. Their opinion was that this 'tapping' was silly...not of any merit. But Tracy can continue to think so.
Tracy and Co. are small potatoes in the real world. They are trying to market their place and if people buy this crap shame on them.
Others of us who have felt her ire can go on with the important stuff in life...our lives.
I won't give any more energy to Irish Tracy. She has some serious issues, but don't we all?
Lady Nyo
i went on the the don forum against my better judgement. because there were many generalisation and assumptions about narcissists on the main forum page. that they are witches with evild intent and that they dont care. this is all completely misleading- narcissists can be genuine, loving and real people too. They dont empathise because they cant, as you cant if you are locked into your own needs and cant see the needs of others.
ReplyDeleteThis Danu woman epitmosises some of the worst narc traits- and thats self confessed expertise. This Danu woman has no professional training or credentials, yet her word is final. she doesnt want to heal- she just wants an audience.
and yes, of course narcissists can be violent. they can love and hate just like everyone else can. my mum was violent- she was violent when she was drunk AND when she became sober. of course narcissist can be violent- its part of their rage. Publicly documented cases of narcissists murdering are out there for all of us to look up for ourselves. I know of at least two murder cases where the psychiatrist on the case said it was because of narcissistic personality disorder. in order to help others heal you need to start healing yourself and Danu has a LONG way to go. I am relieved and pleased to have got banned after i posted my very first sentence, as I am too old to have some silly, bored housewife play with my mind. she must has immediately sensed something in me when i told her should diagnose someone elses parent just from reading one post. she needs to find some balance and healing, one of the biggest traits of narcissism is the complete inability to accept and take on board criticism - as it not only damaged their ego, but it breaks into their self made reality, they can entertain the idea that they might be wrong as its too upsetting for them to contemplate and it conflicts with their fragile belief system. which is built on a house of flimsy cards. this is what Danu is doing every time someone comes close with disrupting her power system or belief system- she triggers off her mechanism to protect and just bans people- without giving them rights or a say.
it is also very trypical to still refuse to change their rigid and fixed mind set- even when 99 people are saying the same thing and the narcissist is the only one saying something else. of course its all our fault right? its never theirs! what a bitter, sour blow for survivors of narc abuse- to be lured and encourage onto a website, only to find that a narc is once again there- lying in wait to pounce. it blows the mind!
I was interested to find this blog - although it looks inactive at the moment - because I spent some time on the DONM forum and became alarmed by it. I should say firstly that I think the ordinary women posting on the forum seem great and are genuinely sharing very difficult experiences. The same can't be said for the owners / moderators.
ReplyDeleteI belong to one other forum which also deals with difficult issues but is very open and moderators and administrators are simply facilitators so I had no experience of what can happen when someone exerts control-freakery on a forum. My own forum folk tell me that the standard forum software allows for extreme control and interference by administrators if they want it and this is what happens on DONM.
It appears that what DONM administrators do (and it's not obvious that named mods - Danu and Light - aren't just mods and that "Danu" is the originator and controller of the site) is preview and review everything and block or ban accordingly so that no-one who posts on the site (which is closed from view to anyone not able to sign in) ever sees comments there not approved by Danu and so never see a dissenting or even a questioning voice. When you look at that in the cold light of day, it's not OK, particularly since the women posting are in many ways trying to escape malign control.
I don't think it's about religion specifically, I came across the Danu unexpectedly when I suddenly got a preremptory message from "Admin" (which is "Danu" but she doesn't say so) saying a post I'd made had been deleted because it was about politics (which it simply wasn't). The second time, once I realised posters aren't allowed to edit their own posts, I asked "admin" to remove a sensitive detail and got a shockingly shouty parental reply which revealed that although people may post very sensitive things, the administrators won't remove anything even on request and won't tolerate being questioned. I'd never experienced this and was so shocked I asked to be removed from the board. I was promptly "banned", fortunately I'd just taken down my avatar and idents etc. in the hope it might signal to some other poster might what happened.
I think "Danu" just won't tolerate any kind of questioning, doesn't matter what kind. I noticed when I was on there that she played a kind of sheepdog role when anyone tried to talk about whether their parents might not actually be clinical narcissists etc. or question the 'no-contact' policy: her comments always basically said: they're narcissists, they're bad and you mustn't question. I think quite clearly only a few of the mothers talked about on the forum are likely to be clinically diagnosed as having a "personality disorder", which is very, very rare. Most of those mothers I think are variations on bad, selfish, immature and damaged parenting by damaged people who are very unlikely to change or admit what they've done. That there isn't a "diagnosis" doesn't matter of course because the effects are just as real and devastating on the daughters but I got the sense that the whole (self-diagnosed) "clinical personality disorder" thing must never be questioned because it justified, e.g., the no-contact policy (which is perfectly legitimate as a choice in my view). Like if there's no "diagnosis", these women's expereinces aren't real - which is damaging in itself.
One of the things that shocks me most is that by suddenly banning people, Danu cuts them off permanently from any support and contact they had with others on the forum, who'll never know what happened to them.
Stay away from the site and seek legitimate counselling and open support groups.
Sally
I had the misfortune to watch as Danu created havoc on the original McBride forum. From the outset when she came onto the forum, I was suspicious of the way she spread herself everywhere - obviously trawling in order to exploit the site before setting up her own. The result when she left, was the wholescale decamping to DONM of many members from the McBride forum and its eventual collapse. Thanks, Danu.
ReplyDeleteThought you might find this interesting (to be published by a firm specialising in religious books. How is that for hypocrisy!) ....
http://www.amazon.com/Youre-Not-Crazy-Your-Mother/dp/0232529299
I think I vaguely remember hearing somewhere in the past that Danu caused trouble on this McBride forum you speak about. What exactly did she do there? Manipulate people into leaving I'm assuming?
DeleteAnd my God, how ironic is that! I'm wondering if they would have published her if they saw how she mocked Christians on Atheist communities online! She even had the audacity to link her DoNM website to her username where she belittles and puts down believers in Christ. *shakes head*
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DeleteI joined Danu's forum 2 years ago when I first realised that my Mum had NPD. I was feeling really vulnerable and in need of support. I was banned after just 2 days!
ReplyDeleteThe 'sin' I committed was making an attempt to explore why my Mum had NPD. I speculated that it may have had something to do with a significant war-related trauma she suffered as a 5-year old girl.
I was not excusing her behaviour, just trying to understand the possible aetiology of her condition. I was accused of being an apologist and banned permanently.
I was left completely baffled.
Thanks for sharing your experiences here, it all makes a bit more sense to me now.
Hi! Wow, all I can say is that is insanity. Even if you were being an "apologist" or "making excuses" for your DoNM (which you weren't - I have even read about NPD that it can come as a result of childhood abuse/trauma a person may experience), so what? Sometimes in the beginning of a healing journey, people who are victims of abuse try to excuse their abuser. It's fairly common and a completely normal thing until a person realizes that the abuser is completely at fault. That is a reason to ban someone?? And you weren't even doing that. Insanity.
DeleteYou're welcome, I'm glad the blog has helped the craziness make sense to you :)
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DeleteOmg I thought I was the only one who had mother daughter problems. My mom does everything a mom should do as far as taking care of me, but I feel as if she has no respect for me. She spends all of her money but gets mad at me when I try to save mine, she drinks almost everyday and smokes. But the worst is the fact that she got people thinking that me and her have the best mother-daughter relationship which we don't. She also have anger management problems as well. Me and her also got into physical fights as well and she has called me horrible names. Sometimes I feel as if no one understands me but my older brother. Sad thing is my father died when I was 1 years old so I never got the chance to meet him, but I would give anything for him to be alive and for her to be dead. That's how much I "dislike" her. I even told myself that after I'm done with school (college) I will leave her a few dollars and disappear her world until the day I die.
ReplyDeleteI once trusted a family cousin who cut off her mother for precisely the same reasons. I believed she was the victim. I was wrong.
ReplyDeleteOften people demonstrate the same qualities that have been laid on them. For example, this website.
If you truly devoted your life to healing, I feel as though you may try writing your dear dairies on your own. Cause, believe it or not - people just like you end up hanging up on people for the very same reasons that you may seem against.
Further SELF investigation.
Danu (Tracy) and company are big phonies. IF we keep talking about them, we don't get over the issues...and Danu is small potatoes in the real world.
ReplyDeleteI would suggest that people here read GOOD sites, like N-Continuum and other ones like that. I could stay all day (and heal) just going to CZBZ's site (n-continuum)
And life is so much better when we escape the NMs and the Tracys of the world.
They are nothing but opportunists.
Lady Nyo
I wandered here out of guilt. the guilt I grew up with as family scapegoat that this must be my fault..but I just cut off my mother yesterday. I am 39,its still hard. she is a narcissist...sociopath. scapegoating and abuse is extremely painful! I am left with deep scars and anger.I am getting support from these forums.. many say they are happier... I need to get back to my 'child' self before it was destroyed. the natural joy and happiness before these types get a hold of us. I also have an ex who was an extreme narcissist. I keep picturing the two of them together,like having cake together or something. as many of you can probably relate,when you have a narcissist mother,youll also get no support when going to her on relationship advice! its always YOUR fault,..and even if he is abusive, she will side with him. another of their tactics to belittle you.theyll get a weapon anywhere they can.like animals!
ReplyDeleteThere seems to be enough damage done by the narcissistic mothers for more than one lifetime !!!!! what is the payoff for all the women involved in any fighting or arguments with one another ???? We have ALL suffered from narcissistic people in our lives. there is NO need to suffer any more....!!!!!!!! It only reveals that there is more than 1 narcissist whose egos are SO fragile that they cannot simply IGNORE such stupid displays of power hungry women...... ANYONE CAN BE A NARCISSIST. Its easy... you just have to follow your ego, instead of your higher being..... and the rest is utter destruction. Compassion is needed here for ALL women who have suffered at the hands of any narcissist, family member or otherwise..... Grow up and get on with your Life and do not WASTE any precious energy on fighting...... which is ALL about narcissism and nothing to do with the higher being that we have carry inside.......the more you WASTE your life on another human (who does NOT deserve any such attention), you LOSE your own life and your own direction. Which is MORE important. Being true to your SELF, or indulging your OWN ego and seeking to control the behaviour of another being, (which you cannot of course).; all of this fighting Only reveals how EGO-based one is...... it is really quite pathetic to see such beautiful powerful women giving their power AWAY to any external person, or behaviour that YOU deem unacceptable. Life is TOO precious to WASTE, and this is exactly what you are ALL doing. It is very sad to see. Compassion is needed here, acceptance of Our Self, and a willingness to move on..... with out Self INTACT.... this is NOT possible when we linger IN our past and use our energy fighting over issues that are NOT important. the ONLY important issue is One's SELF, and being true to who we REALLY are, and IGNORING the ego in ourselves and in other people...... the ego is a utter waste of time and energy....all it wants to do is DESTROY the ONLY Issue that is IMPORTANT and which has ANY and ALL value: LOVE
ReplyDeleteThere seems to be enough damage done by the narcissistic mothers for more than one lifetime !!!!! what is the payoff for all the women involved in any fighting or arguments with one another ???? We have ALL suffered from narcissistic people in our lives. there is NO need to suffer any more....!!!!!!!! It only reveals that there is more than 1 narcissist whose egos are SO fragile that they cannot simply IGNORE such stupid displays of power hungry women...... ANYONE CAN BE A NARCISSIST. Its easy... you just have to follow your ego, instead of your higher being..... and the rest is utter destruction. Compassion is needed here for ALL women who have suffered at the hands of any narcissist, family member or otherwise..... Grow up and get on with your and do not WASTE any precious energy on fighting...... which is ALL about narcissism and nothing to do with the higher being that we have carry inside.......
ReplyDeleteThe money trail at Danu's site is too obvious. Why should I join a forum if I am constantly met with links to buy self help garbage.
ReplyDeleteI came here because my curiosity is piqued by all these sordid "healing forums" run by less than reputable moderators. I had once belonged to a forum where it was discovered the site moderator was a pedophile.
I often think people who start up these websites would fail miserably at meeting the standards to becoming a real therapist; their reasons for starting up these sites always seem a little too self absorbed.
There seems to be a lot of negativity here, I don't see any opposing posts. For my part, I have never felt pressured to purchase anything. Danu has only helped me and I'm very grateful for it. I have a lot more understanding now and it's due to her. Maybe I haven't been exposed to the dark side of her, but if there were one, I don't think all this negative bashing is constructive or healthy. The fact that she does help people, in my experience, should be a positive thing and I think you do a lot of harm to negate that.
ReplyDeleteDanu ALWAYS asked permission to use my writings and story, she never claimed to be a mental health practitioner. I understand some of the reasons for banning ppl for questioning. It is a support site and there are other places to go to question whys, get Christian based help, whatever. I have no connection to Danu Tracy other than writing her personally, and her asking to use my writing. I hope it helps. I often find that people with issues have issues with people with issues. That is whats happening here it seem. There is so much that won't work for most people on the internet. It is silly to expect it. Create it yourself if you do not like someones else's model. Thank ou, and best to eveyone, Sky Q.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with the above 2 statements
ReplyDelete